as i lay here i am mostly content, in my own space, lost in my thoughts, reflecting on my life. every once in a while i get a hint of lonliness or an attack of self consciousness where i suddenly move back out into the larger world, worried what ever passerbyer might think as they see me laying here. it goes in an out from contentness to the overwhelming consumption of the real world. thats much like how i live my everyday life.
for the most part i would say there is not much to complain about; i have a house, i have a family that loves me, i have friends that care about me, i am lucky in a lot of ways. i have within myself learned to cope with the struggles of my world, my lack or self esteem and my social and general anxiety issues. i have learned to love myself and believe in myself and my abilities, looking forward to the future. i am going to school where i am exploring the many opportunities life has to offer me, finding and developing myself along the way. i have a job that i love, that i would do with or without the paycheck that i hardly notice anyways. i keep myself fairly busy. then all it once my world seems to crumble down, i hit a block in the road and suddenly all my fears, all my worries, all my insecurities and all my pain release itself from within me. suddenly i am lost and lonely when i realize i have no one to turn to. the moments are few, but they are strong, i realize i am not perfect and i am still just learning, i am growing everyday.
i am learning to tackle the challenges i face and more importantly i am learning the importance of community. my idea of community is interesting and almost contradictory. it is important to have that person, or those few people that really get you, that you let inside your brain, you know those people who know your deepest darkest secrets and still love you. those people are rare, and when you find one, you are extremely lucky. hold onto those people, always remember to tell them how you feel. these people are the shooting stars in the illuminated sky. the rest of those stars are important too. as social beings we strive to fit in, we strive to belong; those others give us somewhere to belong, someone to shine when we are hiding. though not everyone will be the person you trust your life with or tell your deepest darkest secret to, it is important that we are there to help one another.
this is a story that was discussed in one of my high school classes and again in my sociology class my freshman year of college. the story is quoted in several places and shared in varied versions. the original comes from Loren Eisley.
"Once a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach. Back and forth this person went. As the man approached he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.
The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to perish. As he approached the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.
As he came up to the person he said, "You must be crazy. There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference." The person looked at the man. He then stooped down and pick up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned back to the man and said, "It sure made a difference to that one!"
we can not be responsible for everyone in the world, but we can be responsible for ourselves. by living a life of satisfaction and a life of truth, we are setting an example for others to do the same. you never know who is standing by, who is watching you, or whos life you will impact. be someone for others to follow and as gandhi said "be the change you want to see in the world."
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