i have been struggling through student teaching this first semester. it has been a difficult venture, but i am making progress. i knew going into the program that student teaching would be a challenge for me; its not so much the teaching, but the adult eye. the presence of other adults, knowing that even when im not being observed i am being watched just changes my demeanor. observations have been terrible, i just freeze. all the repressed feelings of my selective mutism have returned and i just dont know how to push myself. because it has begun to effect my performance i have disclosed this about my past both to the classroom teacher and my university supervisor. the other day, the teacher came to me and said she suspects one of the students in one of the other teachers classes (who she sees for rotations) has selective mutism and she needs my help during language arts. though i can not magically transform her and i will only be there for three more weeks, this was an incredibly empowering request. these experiences of my past have created obstacles for my future, but in this moment, im in a place i need to be in, where i can help.