reality check

ugh. i was nearing the end of my writing and the window just quits out on itself so i lost everything.

i was talking to my mom this morning. she was telling me of a story she heard of someone a year younger than me that had died and asked if i knew him. unfortunately these stories of death have been more frequent than not amongst people i know recently. in tears, she said that all she wants is to move to a small town...with the assumption that she would not be overwhelmed with the stories of drugs, death, pain, etc. the truth is, it is everywhere, there is no escaping these realities of life.
i remember, as i was growing up my family and i went to services more frequently. on saturday mornings, we would wake up and go to the services we called junior congregation. these services were designed for the school age children and their family, it was a shorter service, more family oriented, and geared towards the children rather than the adults of the congregation. the leader of the service, who at the time was the hebrew school principle, made two comments every week; it is the second that pertains to this. he would say each of us in the room will know someone who tries drugs, know someone who is pregnant (or gets someone pregnant) out of wedlock, know someone that dies before their time, know someone that goes to jail, etc. i remember sitting on that bench as he spoke thinking to myself, sure most people probably will, but not me, not my friends, there is no possible way. he was right, and it is not only people i know, but for the most part close friends and/or family members.
it is these parts of life that we like to think of as imperfections, often the dirty little secrets within families. rather than seeing such events, truths, etc. as imperfections, i see them as just that, events in life, matters of fact. i believe that it is these events that truely test our character, both the character of the individual directly affected and all those in that persons life who by default are too affected by the situation. it is in the hardest times that the true character of an individual finds its way at the surface of their personality.
these last few years have been what i consider the hardest time in my life so far. it is a crucial time in my life, the transition of childhood to adulthood and everything that goes along with that. in addition i have been presented challenges that i am forced to face and overcome. though these years have been hard, educed pain, and accumulated thousands of fallen tears, it has been been worth it for the countless smiles, roars of laughter, and warming hugs shared. i have made the transition from a pessimistic attitude and mindset of all that i do not not have and what more i could have to an optimistic attitude of hope, love, and all that i do have.
yesterday was thanksgiving. some argue, and i agree, we should not need a day designated to give thanks, to recognize what we have, and to spend time with our families and friends. sadly though, the truth of the matter is we do, we are so caught up in our busy lives that we focus on getting from here to there and hardly pay attention to that which is in between. i see thanksgiving as a huge stop sign for us. a big red wall with the word "stop" written across it right in front of us for a single day; this stop sign forces us to pause for a minute (or day) and slow everything down, take a look at our lives and recognize that which we have, from material possessions to the love of family and friends. it is important to have this day to remind us to stop our daily, materialistic, busy lives and focus on ourselves and what we do have.
i think that thanksgiving is a wonderful way to start the holiday season. beginning by first recognizing what one has for him/herself and appreciating that life. following is the opportunity to give to others. to end the holiday season is the new year, a chance to continue to look within oneself and at the past year and now make the effort to be a better person in the upcoming year. the holiday season is a period of self examination, honest conversations, and quality time.
for lack of better words, in my opinion, the relationships we have are the biggest reward for the person we are, the only thing we have to show for our life's value when all is said and done. ones values and character shine through those who they choose as friends and the responses to the weakest moments. it is sad to me that these honest and real relationships are becoming less and less authentic. the conversations are becoming less personal and more surfaced, when they happened at all.

i am making the effort to make my conversations honest and my relationships real. i make the effort to live a life of truth. i am not proud of everything i have done in the past, but i have learn from the actions i have taken and i am making the effort to live in a way i am proud of. i am thankful for the opportunity to continue living and the ability to learn from the actions i take. i am thankful for the love i have been lucky enough to find and experiences i have been lucky enough to have.


i hope that everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving and has wonderful holidays to follow.