when i was in fifth grade, my teacher mad a big deal about word choice. one of his famous lines was "cookies are done, students are finished"; something as simple as the choice of the word to indicate completion made all the difference. this man also did not use profanity. dealing with ten and eleven year olds who were just really beginning to be exposed to this sort of language, this made a huge impact. he would discuss with us his choice to not use profanity; i remember him saying that there are so many words to use if the only word someone can think of is something profane that speaks to their character. this stuck with me and i really believe that to be true. there are so many words that are used in the context of mundane conversation and desensitize the meaning of the actual word and invalidate certain peoples experiences.
these words should only be used in the the context of their actual meaning and not in mundane conversation as a form or slang because they are personal to many peoples experiences and struggles.
addiction/addicted: this word is often used to describe a liking an activity, object, food, drink, person, etc. in fact, addiction is a disease affecting many where the desire for the source of addiction becomes a physiological or psychological need and the absence creates withdrawal. i have known many who are addicts and recovering addicts and their addiction truly is a disease that affects their lives and everyone around them.
dictionary definition: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
bitch: this word is used to describe women who are mean, unfair, or unruly and men who act like "women". this word is also used to describe possession over a girl or a girl being "whipped". this word actually means a female dog, thus when using this word in any of the above meanings, those who are being referred to as such are being dehumanized and degraded.
dictionary definition: a female dog
depressed: this word is often used to describe anyone who is sad or withdrawing in reaction to a sad event. in fact, depression is a serious disease that effects many. these people who are clinically depressed should not have their condition overlooked because the word "depressed" or "depression" is thrown around like my jacket at the end of the day.
dictionary definition: (this is not number one, but the one marked psychiatry definition) a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Compare clinical depression.
fag: this word is used to describe anyone acting unbecoming, "girly", or "gay" (i put these words in quotes because i do not believe one can actually act girly or gay, you ARE a girl or you ARE gay). this word has come to be a derogatory term for homosexual/gay males used to alienate gays. originally this word meant a bundle of stick used to start a fire.
dictionary definition: (the first entries are actually verbs)to tire or weary by labor; exhaust. (n)a rough or defective spot in a woven fabric; blemish; flaw
gay: this word is often used to describe something that is stupid, lame, boring, annoying, or any other negative adjective. first off, gay literally means happy. how did a word that originally meant happy come to hold a negative connotation? secondly, gay is the title used to refer to a homosexual. using this word to describe negativities brings a negative connotation to those who use gay as a label of his/her person. this would be equated to using the label of any other group of people to connote a negative association, "thats so white" or "stop being so brown eyed".
dictionary definition: having or showing a merry, lively mood (the first four definitions refer to positive or bright adjectives)
nigger: is used casually among friends as a term of endearment. there is nothing endearing about this word whether you are black, white, yellow, pink... this is derogatory word used to alienate black people in a time of racial segregation.
dictionary definition: (this is note preceding all definitions) "The term nigger is now probably the most offensive word in English. Its degree of offensiveness has increased markedly in recent years, although it has been used in a derogatory manner since at least the Revolutionary War. Definitions 1a, 1b, and 2 represent meanings that are deeply disparaging and are used when the speaker deliberately wishes to cause great offense. Definition 1a, however, is sometimes used among African-Americans in a neutral or familiar way. Definition 3 is not normally considered disparaging—as in “The Irish are the niggers of Europe” from Roddy Doyle's The Commitments —but the other uses are considered contemptuous and hostile." (the only definition not labeled "slang") a victim of prejudice similar to that suffered by blacks; a person who is economically, politically, or socially disenfranchised.
panic attack: i have heard this word used to describe a situation where someone became anxious, apprehensive, worrisome, stressed, etc. while a person who has a panic attack may experience all, none, or some of these states of being during a panic attack, a panic attack is an episode of someone who in an extreme state of anxiety that may be identifiably triggered or seemingly random where physiological symptoms often mimic those of a heart attack.
dictionary definition: an intense attack of anxiety characterized by feelings of impending doom and trembling, sweating, pounding heart, and other physical symptoms.
rape: the first time i heard this word used out of context i was blown away. i was off of school and spending sometime visiting my ex when her roommate came home and said "i raped that test". when she said that something urked me the wrong way, that saying just didnt sit right with me. i began hearing it more and more. rape is often used to describing owning something, beating something, winning by a landslide, etc. this in some way puts a positive spin the rapist. rape is a serious event and accusation that is violent, painful, and scaring. rape should only be used to describe forced, unwanted sexual activity on another person.
dictionary definition: the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
retarded: from the time i was little this word was thrown around like dirty laundry describing anything or anyone acting stupid or foolish or someone who performed poorly or awkwardly. i believe it is about 1% of the population that meet the criteria and are labeled mentally retarded. these people have serious mental illness that affects their daily life in which their cognitive capacity is retarded. it is no longer politically correct to to use the title retardation for this population of people so it absolutely should not be used to describe others.
dictionary definition: characterized by retardation
in addition, things are not inherently girl or boy or male or female, but rather our culture has explicitly defined gender roles deeming certain activities, dress, toys, emotions, jobs, colors, etc. male or female ostracizing those who cross over these socially drawn lines. as humans we all have estrange and testosterone, just different levels. in addition, we all have a full range of emotions but society tries to limit the emotions that any one gender is allowed to express.
an episode of full house comes to mind when i think of this where nicky and alex want to play with michelles doll and jessie wont have it. he buys them footballs, cars, and action figures to try and indoctrinate them with the boy toys but they do not like any as much as the doll. becky says to jessie, whats the worst thing that will happen, they will grow up to be loving caring fathers.
so the next time you think that a boy is acting girly or a girl is acting like a boy take a step back and think about this. there is nothing more beautiful than someone comfortable enough in their own skin to be exactly who the are despite what others may think or believe. sadly, this courage and confidence often leaves as early as 3, 4 , or 5.
im sure there are many more that i am leaving out, feel free to add to the list or message me with any suggestions for additions.
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