fighting for the holidays

the fighting has begun and im not really a fan.

the holidays are a time to come together with those we love, to laugh, and joke, and celebrate. of course for some, this is not the reality of the holiday season. for those who this is reality, thehy are extremely lucky. within the last few years, i have realized how lucky i am to have a family that is present, a family i have memories with and a family that is behind me in the end. though i do not jump at the oppertunity to spend time wtih my family, or even always like my family, there is a certain warmth that comes from those unfamilar nights of spending time together.

i have made the comment that as the air grows cooler there is a certain warmth of love and togetherness, this is how i see the holiday season. in my opinion, it does not matter what holiday you celebrate or even the specific way that you celebrate, what matters is that you celebrate and share the experiences with those you love. love, family and relationships are about compromise, mixing and matching, coming together and its only expected that with holidays and traditions there will be differences and need for compromise.

i have grown up in a jewish family. when people ask if i am religious i do not really know how to answer that, i say i have some really religous cousins, my family is more religous than some and less than others, for me, im figuring out how i want to live my life when i am own my own. the way we celebrate the winter season is nothing out of the ordinary. we light the hanukah candles for the eight nights of hanukah; saying prayers and sharing gifts either just before or just after dinner. one night we go to my aunt/uncle/cousin's house (not the cousins i mentioned). on christmas eve we go to a family friends for a christmas party where we celebrate their holiday with them. on christmas day we go to the movies, find whatever might be open for lunch and have chinese food for dinner.

the fight is about the night at my aunt/uncle/cousin's house. my aunt is jewish, my uncle is catholic, my cousin is as i understand is trying to find his place. he has grown up with the celebrations, the dinners and parties of the holidays, but not the religous parts. my aunt and uncle are now separated and my parents have a problem "celebrating hanukah with a christmas tree", especially now that my uncle is not there. i understand their issue, to them it is mocking the celebration, it is devaluing the religous event. my suggested them coming here and we would celebrate here [eliminating the christmas tree, my aunt is set on making dinner and having it there. what i said is that it is not about hanukah or christmas, it is about celebrating the holidays with family, it is about tradition, it is about being together. we are all adults now, our own beliefs and values are not going to be threatened or confused by "hanukah with a christimas tree". we do not have the dinner at their house instead of our own celebration, we light the candles and say the prayers at our house either before going or when we come back, what we do there is merely a holiday celebration, a dinner with family and a gift exchange.

everyone is going through their own stuff right now, each of us with more on our plate than we like to admit or even talk about. rather than fight about the way to celebrate teh holidays we should enjoy one anothers company and celebrate together, come together as a happy family. it hurts to see this fight, to have little say in the ultimate decision and to be seen as a part of the decision of my parents.

i remember something my grandma always said to my sister and i who faught like crazy growing up. she said there is so much hate and violence and war in this world, but how can we expect any of it to go away if two sisters cant even get along and fight over what to watch on tv. she was absolutly right. she must have said that about twenty thousand times as i was growing up and it never affected me too much, but today, i hear that in my mind over and over again. she is right, we need to get along, we need to recognize what we have.