the man in the barney suit

this has nothing to do with barney, but everything to do with the guy the puts it on everyday. not the real guy, i have never met him, but whoever he is, who he stands for.

i finally found the words to describe, at least in part, my teenage years. -- decostuming the man in the barney suit.


as children, we idolize barney (or whatever child tv show character you choose) and one day we are all faced with the truth, sometimes early than we should and others later than we should; but eventually everyone learns there is a man inside the big purple dinasour suit. we learn that there are barneys all over the world and different santas and tooth fairies in every house. [i apologize to any believers out there...i should have mentioned there would be spoilers...sorry]

for most, the same idolization is true for our parents. i can not speak for all, but i will speak for myself, my parents were perfct to me. i thought they had all the answers, i thought they were the smartest people on this planet, i thought they had some overwhelming power to make everything okay. i wanted to grow up to be just like my mom, i wanted to be a nurse and work in a hospital [that plan failed when i began getting anxiety attacks when i walked in a hospital and could not stand even walking down the halls of hospitals]

as i grew older, my parents were no longer the ones that made things okay, but rather the ones i fought with. my parents were no longer the smartest people on the planet, but most often the most clueless and out of date. they no longer had that magical touch and the idolization melted away.

the man inside the barney suit came out and i knew the man and no longer the dinosour. there are things that i like and admire while there are things that i do not lot. in the last few years especially, i have lost a lot of respect for my mom. there are many things i see in her that i do not like. i can not change who she is, all i can do is love her for who she is and make the effort to be who i want to be.