it is summer, well not really; according to the seasonal calender (if there is such a thing) the summer solstice i believe is june 21 (i could be remembering this wrong from my astronomy class, so dont take my word), not that anyone can ever tell what season it is in southern california. but that is all besides the point, what i was getting at is school is over for the summer break and i am out of a job for the summer. thus, with no school and no work, i have been left with lots of time on my hands, i have grown fairly sad and lonely. i suppose there has not really been a change in my mood, but rather a change in the amount of time in the day that i am occupied, leaving me with time to actually focus on myself, my feelings, and my thoughts. introspection is good, but too much time just allows me to dwell; though i think it is necessary to an extent. i have not been ready to deal with the stuff that i am going through so i occupied my time, leaving me little room to actually have to focus on the pain; so it is good i suppose, to force myself to finally "heal".
over the course of the last several months my mind has been busy, thinking and exploring. i have wanted to write, actually written things over and over again in my mind, but never found the time to put the words to parchment, or enter them into this blog. actually, to be honest, at times i have written and just never finished, creating a collection of unfinished blogs. in these days spend at home, with nothing to do, i intend to write those unwritten posts and finish the started ones; no longer do i have the excuse of time.
time is an interesting concept that americans seem to be rather preoccupied with. it seems this concept of time rules lives. there seems to be an expectation for how time should be spent, if time is not spent in this way that is deemed productive, one's time and therefore life is seen as unproductive and that person is seen as a drain on society. we have this necessity to always be doing something, if not it seems that that moment that was spent not doing something "productive" was wasted. yes, i will agree, we only have so long on this planet, we only have so much time to make our mark, BUT no one should be able to tell someone else what ways of spending time are appropriate and inappropriate. time is not wasted if enjoyed. people need to do what is right for them and find the best way to spend their days to get the most our of their lives. so rather than making every minute socially appropriate and productive, make every minute matter to yourself, do not let time slip away.
with this idea, as i have mentioned before, america is a drive thru society; not only in our food, but in our lives. many are in such a hurry; with the increased introduction of technology, for most, when completing a task it is about finding the fastest way to get something done and less about the experience of doing it. as a result, we are removed from the doing and indulged in the finish line. somewhere the crazy idea developed that the more we do the better or more deserving we are; i was fooled by this belief for a long time. i tried to do and do, more concerned with the outcomes and the experiences when i realized soon enough i was making numbers but nothing really to show. i did not learn or grow from the experiences, what i had done in reality meant nothing more than a check on a list. i rushed through high school, being an overachiever as some said, but in reality did not make an effort and did not truely learn, just made grades. i graduated with almost 100 extra credits and very little knowledge and experience to carry with me. as i started rushing through college but still had no idea where to go with the future i decided to slow down. because of the way the school system is structured, i was making grades while doing very little and not retaining anything from the experiences. as an adult, it is now my responsibility to keep myself in check to get what i want out of certain experiences, thus i am making the effort to explore and indulge in what i can.
it is important to take time to smell the flowers and enjoy the world around us. i have grown to really love photography. at first i just enjoyed taking pictures, playing around with the camera, but after taking a black and white photography class i not only gained an appreciation for the art of photography, but i continued to force myself to see the world in a new light. i was taking the world i see everyday and finding something in it to show as beautiful. my ex and i used to spend a great deal of our afternoons at parks, sitting and talking, enjoying the world around us. a couple of summers back, i remember saying that if she was bored, instead of engaging in a destructive behavior as she did, to go outside and look at the grass and take the time to be able to identify a single blade of grass from all the rest. when she had done that, that then she could say that she was bored. i had not taken the oppertunity to do this, but at one time i believe she did and said it was a really good experience. it is amazing to me how rushed we are to get through out lives to something better that we do not recognize what is right in front of us.
to everyone reading this, take three minutes out of your day and recognize something in your everyday life that often goes unnoticed and notice it, photograph it, show its beauty to the rest of the world.
side note: as i was finishing the last few sentences, a song came on on my last.fm radio called life is beautiful. definitely seems fitting.
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