holy days

my mind has been going crazy lately; spinning out of control, running a million miles a minute...yet i still find little time to write. writing is a useful tool for me to deal with my emotions and problems, but one that forces me to fully acknowledge what is going on in my life...a task not always enjoyable or easy. not only do i have to admit to what is happening, but to truly deal with it, look at myself and my part in what is happening and how i can change it; after all i am in charge of my own life and i can make the best or worst of any moment.

just over a week ago was the jewish holiday of rosh hashanah, part one of the jewish new year. the first day of rosh hashanah begins a nine day period of self reflection and repentance to end on yom kippur, part two of the jewish new year. during this nine day period of time, one is expected to reflect on the last year and make amends with those who he/she treated badly over the course of the year. this duo of holidays are refereed to has the high holidays (sometimes the high holy days)...this resonates with the importance of such a holiday.

each and everyday we are alive, we awake from where we had fallen asleep the night before. just waking up in itself is beautiful and a reason to be thankful. we take such simple pleasures as waking up for granted each and everyday. we go through our lives in a rather narcissistic mindset...sometimes considering others, but mostly thinking and doing for ourselves. as a result of actions, even when unintentional, others get hurt. it is true that we should be reflecting throughout the year and each day trying to be a better person, apologizing for our wrongdoings where we see fit. for this reason alone, i used to think days like new years (and valentines day) where a specific day is set aside to reflect and resolve one's life (or admire and appreciate one we love) are foolish...it seemed obsurd to think that one could act without regar for others and consideration for his/her actions all year and on a single day make an apology and vow to do better next year and all should be forgiven. as i have come to realize, this holiday is not about an excuse or for ill behavior, but rather like a stop sign...a day (or a few days) set aside to say hey, i know youre not perfect, but now is your chance to pause and reflect on your actions and determine how to improve your character. looking past the obsurdity of needing such days, i recognize these days throughout the year as some of the most important because thought we should be doing this everyday, we find reasons not to, loosing ourselves in our day to day lives.

that being said, it saddens me to see what the world is coming to. i will be the first to admit that legit apologizes is among one of the most difficult interactions to have. it is first looking within oneself and recognizing how his/her actions affected someone illfuly and then going to that person and not making excuses or justification for the action, but saying look i realize i hurt your and in the future i will make more of an effort to put your feelings (and others feelings) into consideration before i act. that takes a whole lot of courage. though i do not publicly apologize, i do take the time to reflect on my past year(s) and resonate how to improve my character in year, and days, to come. this year, among my jewish friends and acquaintances i have seen facebook statuses making blanket statements asking for forgiveness. to me the impersonality of such a statement takes away the sincerity and the value of such actions...it is doing the motions but empty of meaning. this speaks largely to how i see society...we go through the actions of socialization but we really have little meaning in social interactions.

throughout this last year i have found myself partaking in behavior that i hoped to unfamiliarize myself with and have reflected on past situations and began to not blame myself, but to find my responsibility in the situation and make the effort to determine ways of avoiding such outcomes in the future. in the days to come and years to come i resolve to only speak about others what i would say to the person or would not mind the person over hearing and to take a more active role in my social life, by such knowing people in my life on a personal and real level as apposed to only through facebook and texting.

whether youre jewish or not, i hope that you can take a couple of minutes or even a day to reflect upon yourself and resolve ways in which to create a better character within yourself.